fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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