I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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