I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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