No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
