did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
this hospital has no fireball
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
