I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
