Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
