Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
