Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You need Xanax blowdarts
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You ate ashes out of my bong
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
