Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
