Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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