she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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