Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
