I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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