Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize