well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
