And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
