Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
