my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
