i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
