OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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