I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
