Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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