Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
