If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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