she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
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We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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