Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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