Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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