She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
