dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
