You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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