I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
