Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
