Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
