Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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