Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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