My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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