I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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