So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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