I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
