guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Less talking, more tequila
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
