i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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