What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
