Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
