it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
