I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
high people should be assigned attendants
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
