The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
