I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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