So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
