shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
