just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
