You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
