Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
