non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
