He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
