Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
