I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
