So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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