I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
