I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
