he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
no. you can't hotbox the world.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
