I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
