I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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