I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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