Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
