even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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