He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
All I want is dick and wine.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
