I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
