No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
