i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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