I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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