this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
