She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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